My first blog post for this blog. Why am I blogging? At the start of the new year, it seemed like all my mommy friends were resolving to blog. Some about food, some about crafting (Pinterest anyone?), and some about just plain random topics. Of course, I became inspired. But what to blog about? I don't have the time to post my grocery list or recipes I've tried. I'm not crafty and lost interest in Pinterest long before many joined. I already have a blog all about my beautiful child that I started as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but that one is private, for close family and friends. Also, probably not very interesting to anyone besides myself. My "followers" (all 3) don't even really follow. Finally I don't have time for "just random" and I don't really think my randomness is that interesting. Therefore, I decided that if I am going to blog, it needs to be something I want to write about. Especially given the time issue.
Time is a funny thing. We as humans have created this concept - our need to quantify and measure has led us to the clock which rules our lives. I realize, when I say "I don't have any time" that is a judgment on my part, and it is my decision as to where "my time" is used. Realistically, I should not be blogging right now, because of my time constraints.
What time constraints you ask? I'm happy to tell you, as I'm sure anyone who reads this can relate. Really, we are all busy and have "no time". Where does my time belong?
In no particular order of importance (or maybe it is, you decide):
1) I'm a mom. And I love being a mom. I have wanted to be a mom for so long, and finally after what seemed to me forever (but probably not that long if you look at the world of infertility), and really, 3 years to get pregnant in our measurable amount of time, I became a mom in 2011. I cannot begin to go into how happy motherhood has made me, but I am sure it will be a recurring theme here. But, as much as I am over the moon about motherhood, I can't do a blog only on that. I just can't,because there is more to me than this. I should be with my baby right now.
2) I'm a wife. And again, I love being a wife. I love my husband. He is the sweetest, kindest, most caring man I have ever known, and super smart. Some days, I don't know why he is still with me, because I swear he is a better person than myself. He is truly my partner in all things - diapers, cleaning, cooking, you name it. The only thing I have had to do without him is breastfeed, and he has fully supported all my decisions in that area. I should be doing dishes right now.
3) I am a daughter. Which, as all daughters know, comes with its own territory. And this is made even more complicated by the fact that I moved about 2500 miles away from my family for school, ended up getting married, and will probably never move back, all of which my mother will never forgive me for. Other unforgivables: Not calling enough, not calling from the appropriate places, and not leaving messages. Not visiting enough. Visiting with the in-laws too much. Not reading minds. Most of you know how this goes. I should be calling mother right now.
4) I am a PhD student. I have been for awhile. This program has taken me way to long. I take responsibility for my part in this (marriage, baby, not being an adult in many situations). However, I still resent others roles in this. Life is a two-way street. After finally putting on my big girl panties and making some major changes (which again, cost me that precious commodity, time) I am in a scholastic space that I love. I now realize I went through a depression regarding my academic life, but this has since been mediated by the fact that I have my son. This issue may be a topic worthy of it's own blog post, so I will stop there. I should be doing reading or writing right now.
5) I am a sister. However, given the time and space between us both in age and in miles, this issue does not come up. But, given my poor husband's experiences with his sister, I try to keep my brother on the page and recognize his existence at least once a month, or on important dates. He is a great guy and I am so sorry that I left when I did, because he was just starting to turn into a great adult.
6) I am a friend. But I am a horrible friend. I have a history of ruined friendships. Never in that dramatic sense, because I avoid, but broken bridges throughout my past. Never burned though. After going through a miscarriage, I broke more bridges, due to my feelings of being invalidated. That all said, I feel like I have some pretty decent relationships currently. Again, these need attention, which = time.
7) I am a sister-in-law, Aunt, daughter-in-law. Not much to say about this currently. I have awesome inlaws, very supportive and sweet. I have a not so awesome sister and brother in law, but they made cute kids, so can't complain too much. Maybe we can just call them average. Granted, the SIL has upped her game since my son was born, so that means a lot in my book.
So there is my life. Who am I? I am me. I am a balance of all these people. All these facets of myself. And this I find truly interesting, and very relate-able. I hope. I don't really know - you tell me. I started this blog in early January, but could not find the right starting point. I had the name and the idea. For some reason, yesterday, I had a burst of ideas - in the car while driving to school, of course. Procrastination can make me creative;) I plan to talk about the issues most relevant to me within this realm I have laid out for you. My struggles to balance everything - to keep all plates spinning - all while staying true to my values. I can't promise posting regularly, but I do hope it will always be something that helps me with this balance I strive for and strikes a similar note with you, my readers. If I ever get any.
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